Not close enough
by Amaya86
Summary: Just a fluffy little one shot with Shuuhei and Kira.


Let's face it… I'll never own Bleach, and if I did they probably wouldn't be allowed to shown it during the day… hehe

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><p>The sound your head makes as it smacks against the wall has got to be the single most beautiful thing I have ever heard. It calms my frayed nerves and it's the second time one of my blows has you connecting with the wall and I desperately just want you to lose it and start hitting back because I'm tired of hurting and seeing you like this.<p>

_We met on the first day of kindergarten, both of us reaching for the blue crayon at the same time. You turned red and spluttered an incoherent apology while I hid my discomfort by laughing and snapping the crayon in two so we could both use it. I got into trouble for that… do you still remember? _

The blood you spit out as you push away from the wall is redder than anything I have ever seen and it loosens the tightness in my chest a little. If you can bleed you are still alive. And as long as you're alive I'll be okay too.

_For some reason our parents sent us to different high schools and I still don't see what they were trying to achieve because we spent every available moment together anyway. Then in our junior year I befriended Matsumoto and you started a friendship with Gin and they were both seniors but that didn't matter because who cares about age really? Finally at a party I introduced you to Matsumoto and you introduced me to Gin and you and Gin both fell for her, hard and fast and I was left alone watching the two of you try to win her over. After that first introduction we all hung out together and got drunk out of our minds. She told me that she liked you, and who could blame her? You're kind and caring and when you smiled it lit up the room. The confession made me insanely jealous and I still don't understand why I told her you weren't interested… would you blame me if you knew?_

The sharp pounding in my head when your fist finds its mark is the best feeling ever. You are looking positively pissed off but that is so much better than the dead look that lived in your eyes these last couple of months. You've been avoiding me and I understand you're hurting but I miss my friend.

_You knocked on my door in the middle of the night half way through our senior year and I knew it was you before I even opened the door. Gin and Matsumoto announced their engagement earlier that day and you took off. You were so drunk that to this day I don't know how you got to my apartment without killing yourself and everyone else on the road. But having you in the bed next to me, even if you were passed out and pining for someone else, was my own little heaven and hell rolled into one… do you even remember that night?_

Your smell as you pin me to the wall washes over me and I could stay like this forever even though it makes my knees weak and my head swim and you are so close that I can see your eyes are bluer than blue and there's something in them that makes my breath hitch in my throat because I've only ever seen you look at one person like this.

_As Gin's best man I watched you die three times on their wedding day. The first time as you stood there listening to them swear their undying love and devotion to one another, then again as you passed him the ring and watched him easily slip the golden band over her slim finger, and finally as Gin embraced a blushing Matsumoto, now his wife, kissing her with everyone there as witnesses. I died a little bit with you that day… did you know that?_

Your taste as you crush our mouths together overwhelms me and I must have done something right in this life because I swear I've died and gone to heaven. It's too much and not nearly enough and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and it's so loud I have to wonder if you hear it too. Then your lips part and you moan as my tongue slips into your mouth and I'm convinced that I must be either dead or dreaming and I can't open my eyes because I'm so scared that if I do I'm going to find that this is just another dream, another vision that my lovesick mind thought up to torment me with. This time I might actually die because your hair feels like silk between my fingers and I try to pull you closer but your body is already flush against mine and the body heat between us is almost unbearable and then you slip one hand under my shirt and my skin feels like it's on fire.

_Matsumoto asked me when I was planning on telling you that I've loved you for years. It was a few months after the wedding and she was already proudly showing off her baby bump. I honestly have no idea how she knew because I was always so careful when we were all together, but I guess all it took was one lovesick look at the wrong time for her to guess what was going on. I was never planning on telling you any of this, so why now?_

"I know…" you whisper as we break apart to get some much needed oxygen and your confession shatters my outlook on reality. It makes me delirious with happiness because if you know and you're here it means we have a chance, but I'm so confused because how did you know? "I've always known, but I was afraid of losing you." You reply in that annoying way you have of reading my mind and it reminds me that I'm still me and you're still you and even though everything is different and exactly the same, right now I have you in my arms and we've already wasted so much time apart and there's something I've wanted to tell you ever since the first time I got into trouble for breaking a blue crayon for you.

"I love you so much." I whisper the confession against your lips before you kiss me again.

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><p>Yay! All done! I'd like to thank<em> strangeindividual<em> and _HellzButtafly _for checking this before I posted. This was just another one shot that was born out of boredom and once the idea was floating in my mind I just had to get it out. I hope you enjoyed the fluffiness… if you did, drop me a review (or tell me if it sucked).


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